deadbydawn (argali666) wrote,
deadbydawn
argali666

How is it...

That I fail to update my journal for 6 months...yet people still continue to ask me to join their community....

that's just annoying...

anyhow...I thought I'd touch up on some things...

first...
School is really starting to annoy me...

I know its supposed to help me out in the long run, but i'm getting to a breaking point or something. Maybe i should start taking classes i like at a real college...this place is sort of crooked...

second...
i'm thinking that people really don't like me. Maybe I'm just too apt to speak my mind, and that irritates people. Maybe its that I'm blunt and tend to talk about things that make people see things about themselves, and nobody likes that...me included. I think most of all I need to put the now standard 5 second delay in my brain so something stupid doesn't come out of my mouth at the worst possible time...


oh well...so it goes...until you die..

why is it all of my dreams and aspirations are completely far fetched and unrealistic...

I'd like (and don't laugh) to be involved on some level with a wrestling promotion...doesn't really even matter if its a large one or a local one...i'd like to involve myself in it...not as a wrestler or anything because i'm a huge wuss, and not at all in shape...but on the writing team or maybe as a manager or something (since i have a big mouth and don't know when to shut up...that's a surefire way to get heat)

I'd like to try my hand at open mic night at the local comedy club...but I'm not funny...and i'm too awkward...and nervous to ever attempt it...i've written a few jokes (sort of) but i doubt anyone would really find it funny...some would probably find it more disturbing....

i'd like to write a movie or tv show...Kingdom Hospital is being done all wrong (probably partially because of it being on network television) but that's just a footnote...i would like to write something...even if it were a book or something...I think i'm relatively eloquent at times...but the problem is i'll write something and read it over later and realize its a steaming pile of turd....

true story:
When i was in high school i wrote a "confessions of a serial killer" style book...not in it's entirety, but i wrote a good 6 chapters...until one day i read it and realized that it was too cliche and poorly written...i ripped it up and threw it away......they always say you're your own worst critic...

i think writing is a good idea for someone like me...who always wants to be noticed even if they don't come right out and say it...i sort of crave attention in a odd way...and i don't even understand it. I think part of it is the ADHD, but whatever. For some reason i strive to impress people...even though i don't really care what people think...i'm very opinionated though. which is pretty counterproductive...but i've always got something to say...and writing it down helps...at least in some medium...

i hope you peoples still read the journals...

reply...so i know you're there...(and i'm not talking to you "join me" parasites)
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