deadbydawn (argali666) wrote,
deadbydawn
argali666

why do i even bother sometimes

i really should have just stayed at home and fell asleep at midnight...

here it is 4:30, and i'm even more depressed than i was... so i went up to dominos to hang out with the crew...and ryan starts overanalyzing my relationship status, like i haven't already, and i'm just not in the mood for it

as i've stated, every hypothetical thing that he proposed could go wrong, has already gone on in my head tenfold...

i realize stephanie being in college and me being here is a problem...

i realize we're both young and have a lot of room to find other people

i realize stephanie could find someone else, and i would have to deal with it

i realize all these fucking things that people keep telling me, and then tell me i need to hear it.

I almost cried at least 3 times in the past 48 hours...and its not getting much easier, and I realize that one day i may have to abandon my feelings for stephanie and move on...but not today...not any day this week, or this year, or this life if i can help it...

i don't know why people seem to want to keep me in a slump rather than help me out...

i want to talk to dave for a LONG time, to just converse with someone who has been in this position, and treaded through the adversity, and triumphed as much as he has...

maybe i have to be part or half soulless piece of shit to get through this...

i just want monday to hurry up and get here...
i just want 4 years to pass in the next 60 seconds

i just want to sleep
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